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The Art of Self-Grieving

May 26, 2024

Henry-Cameron Allen, CTAA, IHTCP
Papa Peregrine, LTC Founder

The endless horizon stretches out before us in peaceful stillness. But we Peregrines cannot escape the deafening silence that descends when our homes and hearts feel hauntingly empty after the passing of our children. The initial plummet shatters reality itself. This is the beginning of an unpredictable journey - coming to terms with this immense void in our lives. Truly, we not only grieve our children, but also our former lives and selves. 

We dreamed of boundless futures for our precious kids, doing everything to protect and nurture them. Yet sometimes life's erratic torrents bring events beyond our control. When the unimaginable happens, the world seems to move callously onward while a chasm opens within our very being. We feel an overwhelming urge to withdraw, to take refuge in that very silence that now mirrors the absence we feel.

We are forever changed, and acceptance of this is the very first step upon the Peregrine Path. 
You see, even in this darkest abyss, a wellspring of resilience lies within us. Enduring isn't about forsaking the profound love and light our child brought. It's about tenderly weaving those sacred memories into the journey of rebuilding our Spirits and our Selves. It's consecrating the radiant existence that blazed through our lives, albeit far too briefly.

Peace Can Be Found 
Hang on to the hope that, slowly, faint embers of clarity will begin to flicker, fanned by the love we will forever hold for our children. We will again regain our footing, not with the same lightness as before, but equipped with a humbled yet unbreakable resolve to endure. The horizon which once felt foreboding gradually reveals itself as an infinite frontier - one where we begin to forge a new way of being. Among life's small graces like a dance of wind or radiant sunshine, we begin to feel gentle echoes of our child's spirit within us - bittersweet reminders of the love that remains eternal.

Reconstructing Our Sacred Selves
This journey isn't about forgetting, moving on, or suppressing our grief; it's about boldly carving an odyssey through the vastness of our emotions in each dimension we encounter. Here are some pathways to consider:

Embrace the Beforetime: 
Let us envision ourselves as we were before, filled with hopes and dreams for our child's brilliant future. This abyss of absence can spark harsh self-judgment and "if only..." ruminations. While supportive family and counselors can help illuminate the way, ultimately we ourselves must become the wise, compassionate guides our former Selves desperately need right now. By holding space for your unique grief journey, allowing yourself to lean into the waves of emotions like confusion, sorrow, anger, and loss, you will begin to grasp the profundity of your love, not only for your child, but for yourself.  

Voice Our Silence: 
Let us imagine the tender heart within aching to embrace those long-held dreams. Do we need peaceful solitude, a vigil honoring our child's memory? Or do we feel the need to unleash gut-wrenching lamentations, echoing across the valleys of pain? By giving form to your rawest feelings, you can name and make peace with the lingering inner turmoils - such as the piercing loneliness behind self-isolating, or constant distractions masking the overwhelming sense of absence. Shedding light on these shadows allows us to address them with tender self-compassion.

Affirm Our Transcendence: 
Replace the grip of harsh self-reproach with courage and perseverance, allowing them to become the steadying armor of your spirit. When doubtful or dark thoughts gather around you, replace the inner-critic's judgments with a gentle inner voice that says: "I navigated this crisis with purest intentions, using every wisdom I could in that moment." Transcendence isn't about suppressing or bypassing the pain through spiritual escape; it's about bearing witness to the choices you’ve made under inconceivable conditions and allowing a new Self to emerge, renewed, step-by-step, in your time, on your terms.  

An Ever-Expanding Horizon  
Many Peregrines experience the mourning process as a vortex, an inward spiral of stasis; in reality, it's an ever-expanding journey where we can honor each footstep along the way as sacred. The boundless universe becomes a canvas to begin re-envisioning and rebirthing our deepest Selves. Through this work, you will begin to perceive your child's eternal essence still alive within you - reminders that your love rises above even the most profound silence and despair.

The sharp stillness and aching sense of absence will never be completely lifted in this life. But it can become a sanctuary for contemplating life's deepest truths, a temple honoring the love that binds us eternally. With each new day, you will instinctively begin rebuilding your Sacred Self. The divine spark your child ignited, now solemnly woven into the fabric of your being, will lovingly illuminate your way as your learn to nurture the infinite potential still unfolding for you in this world. Stay open.

The unexplored horizons before us will never forget the names of our children. But neither shall we allow their memory to disperse. We carry them eternally, forged anew in the sacred fires of transcendence. For even though the sky fell silent for a time, the laughter of our children will forever soar in the temple of our hearts. 

Reimagining Grief. Purpose Empowered.

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1 коментар

Joline El-Hai
Joline El-Hai
27 трав.

A beautiful hopeful message, Papa Peregrine. Though I have not had the experience of losing a child I find that your writing can apply to other losses I’ve experienced. Thank you.

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