Henry-Cameron Allen, CTAA, IHTCP
© 2024 All Rights Reserved
"With multidimensional awareness, we gain the wisdom to view our experience of grief in a different light. We recognize the illusory nature of death, understanding that our loved ones and ancestors continue to guide and inspire us,
their love forever present in our hearts."
Henry-Cameron Allen, CTAA, IHTCP
The Lost Traveler's Field Guide:
Navigating the Grief Journey Through a Quantum Lens
"The Promise" by Hengki Lee
Used with exclusive permission from the artist.
Grief is our lifelong companion, shaping our journey from our earliest years to our final moments. As we age, our relationship with grief evolves, demanding new skills and understanding. This is where "Ageucation" comes in — a term I coined for the comprehensive process of educating individuals about the physical, psychological, and social changes associated with aging well, including the art of navigating grief.
Imagine a world where children learn about grief as naturally as they learn about joy. Where teenagers understand that the heaviness in their chest after a breakup is a form of grief. Where adults in their 40s and 50s have tools to process the grief of shifting identities and roles, not to mention hormonal changes. This is the world Ageucation aims to create.
The urgency of this approach cannot be overstated. With juvenile suicide rates rising by over 50% in the past decade (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2023), equipping ourselves and the young people in our lives with grief skills is not just beneficial — it's vital.
Grief's terrain extends far beyond the passing of loved ones. It emerges as our physical abilities wane, as our cognitive functions shift, as our sense of purpose transforms. For those in midlife and beyond, grief can arise from the passing of parents, personal health challenges, or even career transitions. Each of these experiences carves new contours in our emotional landscape.
The psychological context of grief shifts as we age. Younger individuals often grapple with sudden, unexpected events, while older adults may face anticipated yet equally painful transitions. This accumulation of experiences can lead to what I call "bereavement overload" — a state where the weight of multiple changes becomes overwhelming. These reactions can also manifest physically, potentially impacting sleep patterns, appetite, and overall health, emphasizing the holistic nature of grief. I've stood in this heavy space myself, experiencing symptoms like sleep paralysis as a result.
Grief is not a linear journey with clear cut stages, but a complex dance of psychological, behavioral, social, and physical responses. It's often described as a roller coaster that gradually stabilizes, aligning with established models like Worden's tasks of mourning (accepting reality, processing pain, adjusting to the world, finding enduring connection). Yet, each person's grief choreography is unique, defying rigid categorization.
For those supporting someone in grief — be it as a healthcare provider, grief walker, or loved one — the key is to distinguish between moving through grief and becoming stuck in depression. Grief demands acknowledgment and experience, while depression often feels like useless, meaningless pain. While there can be overlap, it's crucial that a qualified mental health professional evaluate and treat these conditions separately.
Common grief reactions include denial, confusion, lack of concentration, fatigue, forgetfulness, irritability, anger, sadness, anxiety, and horror (American Psychological Association, 2020; Worden, 2018). These symptoms can mirror PTSD, underscoring the importance of professional evaluation. While you can take an informal PCL-5 PTSD Self-evaluation at www.LostTravelers.Club, remember that only a mental health professional can provide a true diagnosis and treatment plan.
A word of caution to healthcare providers and grief supporters: resist the urge to sedate grief's pain. While short-term medication can be a useful aid during intense phases, long-term reliance can impede the natural grieving process. Instead, encourage open expression through conversation, art, or other forms of emotional release. As the National Institutes of Health (NIH) emphasizes, allowing grief to unfold naturally is key. (NIH, 2021).
My personal grief journey has been profound and multifaceted. In 2008, at age 42, I experienced the devastating passing of my 13-year-old son to a rare brain cancer. This pain has become a permanent part of my life's tapestry. In 2021, I faced another deep grief with my 82-year-old father's passing due to COVID-19, made more complex by the pandemic's isolation.
Adding another layer to this experience is Andropause — a process that introduces hormonal changes and emotional fluctuations in men as we age. I am currently in the throes of it at 58, and I definitely feel the difference, even in my grieving. Similar to how menopause affects women, Andropause can lead to mood swings, irritability, fatigue, and unease in men, potentially exacerbating grief. This underexplored aspect of male aging inspired me to delve deeper, transforming a personal challenge into an opportunity to support others.
It's crucial to recognize that grief is also culturally shaped. Some cultures openly express grief, while others practice more reserved rituals. Understanding these cultural nuances is vital when supporting someone through grief. In our digital age, grief has also taken on new dimensions, with social media memorials, online support groups, and digital legacy planning becoming increasingly common. These platforms offer valuable support but also present unique challenges in the grieving process.
While grief is undoubtedly challenging, it also holds the potential for resilience and post-traumatic growth. Many find that working through grief leads to personal growth, deeper empathy, and a renewed sense of purpose. This doesn't diminish grief's pain but offers hope for a process of positive transformation.
The most effective grief support involves active listening, empathy, acknowledgment, and allowing individuals to process their experience at their own pace. If you or someone you know feels overwhelmed by bereavement overload, remember that mental health hotlines and grief counseling are available worldwide, and reaching out can be transformative. I've found that working with a grief counselor who is themself a grief walker provides a special kind of empathetic support, less possible with someone who works solely "by the book". They are the unicorns of the grief support world, so finding one will take extra time and effort... but is totally worth it.
On the journey of Ageucation, understanding and supporting grief with boldness, truth, and expertise is essential. By doing so, we honor our experiences and find resilience in life's inevitable challenges.
I invite you to reflect on your own grief experiences and start conversations about grief with your loved ones, or start a thread in the comments section below. By embracing Ageucation principles, we can create a more grief-literate society, supporting each other through life's inevitable challenges.
Remember, in the face of grief, we are not just survivors — we are bold explorers of the human experience, each navigating our unique path through the quantum landscape of emotion and memory.
For a deeper exploration of Ageucation, take a survey, and to be notified of upcoming workshops on related topics, visit www.Ageucation.org.
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References:
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). (2023). Youth Suicide Rates. Retrieved from CDC website (https://www.cdc.gov)
American Psychological Association. (2020). Grief: Coping with the death of your loved one. Retrieved from APA website(https://www.apa.org/topics/families/grief)
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Retrieved from NAMI website(https://nami.org)
Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner. Springer Publishing Company.
National Institutes of Health (NIH). (2021). Grief and Bereavement: Understanding the process. Retrieved from NIH website (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK66052/)
The Lost Traveler's Field Guide: Navigating the Grief Journey Through a Quantum Lens by Henry-Cameron Allen, CTAA, IHTCP. Available at [LostTraveler.org](https://www.LostTraveler.org)
Grief Reimagined. Purpose Empowered.
Thank you so much, Henry, for writing and sharing this insightful article. It highlights the depth of pain we experience after the loss. Being mindful of our place in the "cycle of life" helps us to understand ourselves and each other better on our grief journey. ⭐️
Henery-Cameron,
I am saddened by your losses which you expressed in some detail in your post. The way they've shaped your life and your dedication to helping others is helpful and inspiring.
You're right about grief's complexity. It's a journey we all take. This group has taught me that the difference between each of us is as different as the grief experience in each of my own tragedies. Each takes a unique, individual path. In my experiences, working round-the-clock helped, another, isolation from everything helped, with this one advocacy seems to give me some ability to make it to the next day.
Now, supporting my grieving family is an ongoing responsibility that adds to my life. I am remarried and supporting my…